Honestly?

So I spent all that time thinking about the moment. That inevitable moment when I'd run into my Ex for the first time after our break-up. If you've been reading you know how that ended. In an instant on a subway platform as he rushed by to avoid a confrontation I had no intention of offering. The incident, however brief, was now in the past and thankfully no longer something to worry about. However, I had completely overlooked the fact that a second unintentional meeting was at all possible.

There's a rude awakening when it happens! And yes... it was. Again on a subway platform waiting for the F train that seems to never come when you're actually in a hurry to get somewhere, HE appeared. Not at all what I expected since he moved out of the neighborhood. We both, as before, stole glances and tried to focus on the uninteresting patch of ground a few inches in front of our shoes, hoping that it would with time become more interesting, as he rushed by. Honestly, could he really not face me- The One, the one thing he did right in his fucked up life? Oh yeah...I am, I have that in writing.

Knowing his schedule and haunts I also I knew that we'd be transferring at the same stop. We were of course by design at 2 opposite ends of the train at this point so all should've been fine-over and done with.

But, I guess it really ain't over til it's over. He, who twice purposefully avoided me was deliberately planting himself 2 posts away from me. This was beyond an accidental proximity and at this point, considering he seemed to be waiting for me to make a move, beyond adult. There is no reason to be that close to someone on a subway platform who used to be your lover and isn't anymore unless you want to be. Again I bemoaned the fact that the train never seems to come when you really need it to and not just when you're in a hurry to get somewhere but when you're in a hurry to get out of somewhere as well; when you feel the heaviness of a man debating to apologize for things past and hoping you're going to make it easy for him by extending some olive branch, offering a smile or just acknowledging that he is indeed there...2 support beams away.

Though I had made a lot easy for him in the past, I did not this time, offer any olive branch, smile or acknowledge him or his presence other than perhaps by my body language that may or may not have ratted out my inner confusion about what I would and should say if he actually sacked up and said something.

Luckily or rather finally, an E train pulled into West 4th, a train that would take him to his office but wouldn't get me to my meeting (read therapist). My meeting which started with, "You"ll never guess what happened to me on the way over here.."