The One

Sure. The internet and social networking/utility tools have done wonders for connecting people with information and well, with people. But, what it doesn't do? It doesn't make it any easier to get over someone. Especially when said someone has created a Face Book group and you get notices that your friends, who may not even really be friends, joined. Even if you stop getting notices, you know the group is there....a platform for said ex to unleash musings and writings on pertinent topics of interest to all in the industry he's a part of. I must admit, it's compelling stuff. Always has been and I'd be lying if I said I didn't log on to this, can be viewed by anyone page, to see what he's got going-on.

Here's the thing, even though you know you're better off and sometimes it may even feel like it, most of the time, in the early stages of post breakup heart ache that ebbs and flows, you can't help but stay up until 4:30 in the morning pouring over websites with information...creating unlikely scenarios of how much happier he is without you that you're ego can't handle.

You see, you've lost your better judgment...that voice of reason that's supposed to say, "Hey, idiot. Why are you blaming yourself? You know people don't change and you know that the patterns he had with you are the patterns he's had with those before you and will have with those after you." Unfortunately, you can't hear that over the noise your crushed ego is making from the pain of just not having been able to be the one. You know, the one to save him and change him and make him love you the way you wanted and needed. No, the need to be loved is stronger than any logic.

So you search...then swear it off like the bad habit it is and you're fine; until about a week later, on any given week night, when you remember that you would have been cuddling on the couch watching the msnbc rebroadcasts of Countdown with Keith Olbermann and The Rachel Maddow Show, and so...to fill the void you call some friends, try to write and oh...just one peek....and there it is; his face on the internet, smug and arrogant as ever but still oh so lovable because you know that man. You know his fears, his weaknesses and inadequacies and you accepted them.