Dangerously Romantic

A good friend of mine recently likened me to how someone once described a much younger Carly Simon…Dangerously Romantic.

What could be so dangerous about romance? A lot. I’m a huge fan so let’s get that out of the way right now.

I used to live off of romance like it was a drug. My first relationship with my college boyfriend, who went to another college, ended as a an 8 year romantic rollercoaster of passionate weekends together, airport greetings and goodbyes, and wonderfully long phone conversations just before bed. I could have gone on like that forever. It was passionate to say the least but for every emotion, there is an equal and opposite emotion that comes into play and we had that too. It was a relationship of fantastically high, highs and fabulously low, lows. It was indeed dangerous. Not only while it was going on but the memory of that taunts you as you try to move on to other relationships that may have less to be desired in the smoke and mirrors category but a lot to thankful for in the areas that count…the hem...err…practical ones. But it takes a long time for an addict to forget the taste/effect of a drug, to forget the hold it had on you and how good it actually makes you feel. Romance is no different than any other substance-all well and fine in moderation but if you’re an addict…you’re an addict.

But in watching my parents who have had their ups and downs, as expected in all relationships, and in my own personal recent experiences with a fabulous guy, I've come to realize that real romance comes after...after the flowers have died and the chocolates have been eaten with the calories having taken permanent residence on your thighs; that it is in a simple holding of the hand, preparing someone breakfast, making sure his/her needs are met. That’s romance.

I’d have to say this is the most "unromantic" relationship I’ve been in and holds the most promise. He’s got all the qualities: character, integrity, honesty, genuineness and a whole hell of a lot of smarts. He’s also self aware, easy to talk to and most importantly…there for me. So what’s the problem? He’s not a romantic. But I am learning. I have learned to see what is there, not what’s not there. Actually, thanks to Steve Harvey for writing Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man. I read it one night when I had worked myself up into a real anger over something rather insignificant. A text that read “dinner tonight? Are you still up for it?”

What? Was I still up for it? Was He not???? To me, dinner had been set days ago. There should have been no question mark whatsoever, unless it was at the end of “where do you want to go to dinner?

Also the lack of I’m looking forward to dinner, haven’t seen you in a few days remained irksome to me. I was about to blow my top and certainly the call to a girl friend saying...”I think I just did something bad” as I explained my response to his text was, “I’m not sure. You?” didn’t help calm me down. Also, I got a “haha” back. He had no clue that there could be good reason for my being upset which on the one hand made it hard to be upset with him and on the other hand made it so much more satisfying.

So with an hour plus to spare before the meeting I made my way to the Borders at Time Warner Center and read the book that my mom had told me to read months ago after seeing Steve Harvey on Oprah. As usual, mom was right. Steve had some pretty good insights that actually readjusted my crazy before dinner and made me realize that I was very much loved by this man who simply wasn’t as romantic as I would have liked but who loved me deeply just the same. And I realized if I looked at the other things that were there and not the romance I believed to be missing, I might see that romance is offered in a whole host of ways.

That’s not to say that when I came to his apt the other day and asked about the two orchid plants that hadn’t been there earlier that morning and he explained that there were a whole bunch of flowers (including roses- yes he mentioned there were roses) and plants left on a corner in the neighborhood and he brought these back, and there were no “flowers” for me, I was secretly a little upset, maybe even a lot. So I tried to cover it up but still get to the heart of the matter by saying “you couldn’t carry more than this back”? He simply answered, “Well I wanted to leave some for other people.” I just thought, a good guy, I really do have a good guy and he’s thoughtful too.