As Seen on TV

So there I was in the beloved skin care aisle at Rite Aid on the corner of 5^th and 1^st Ave. Beloved, since there isn’t a Duane Reade within reasonable walking distance as an alternative when you live just across the street. This Rite Aid is sadly under stocked on many things including hair dye options. I know because I have wasted my fair share of hours pondering the alternatives to my natural hair color, weighing my options between cool and warm tones only to walk out empty handed. Who doesn’t love drugstore shopping? Walking into one alone is like taking an upper let alone the rush of walking out with new body wash, shampoo and lip-gloss. I however was there to take care of some serious business. Having just told my friend I would now qualify as a before photo for Proactiv and having thought about calling them a few times, I decided to look at my limited but immediately available, better than Proactiv, compare our ingredients to theirs, alternative courses of treatment to save my face from this hormonal uprising known as adult onset acne, as if the onset of adult hood wasn’t bad enough.

I’ve been one phone call away from Proactiv for a few months now. I thought of going to the dermatologist but friends with the same problem were told to get pregnant and breast feed and their hormones would go back to normal. Well, if fate wasn’t cruel enough leaving me to navigate New York City singledom in my 30s, nature was even crueler. You’d think there’d be an upside to having the last of your fertile eggs closing in on their sell by date; that pregnant women were the ones that are supposed to be traumatized by the hormonal coup d’etat I was experiencing. To make matters worse, I’d never had serious problems with my skin before. Actually, it was something people always complimented me on…How did I end up in this adolescent dilemma? Perhaps it’s fitting since I seem to be going through a second adolescence in my personal and professional life but please, one acne free adolescence was bad enough. I wonder if this is like reincarnation for the living? Did I not learn what I needed to from my pimple-less teenage years that I must hopefully now learn as a mildly and hopefully temporarily pizza faced adult so I can avoid the horrors of old age acne if such a thing even exists?

So there I am in aisle 3 resigned to the fact that there are probably many life lessons I still needed to learn, not picking at your face still among those. But that lack of learning has caused me to learn one thing…how to cover up blemishes. Apparently, I learned it so well that a woman in the airport bathroom during my thanksgiving travels actually stopped to say, “wow, that stuff really works.” “Thanks,” I answered. Not sure how to take the compliment, I just kept talking. “It’s Face of Stockholm under eye cover up, but it works everywhere.” Her older than mine, rosacea affected cheeks rounded in a smile of thanks and understanding. Is there no end to what we can and probably will endure as we get older?

What I wouldn’t give to have my under-eye be my only problem area. Of course even then I panicked. I temporarily substituted the low of realizing I was aging for the high of buying every eye product Rite Aid could keep on its poorly stocked shelves. And yes, in one low moment I ordered a product from the box known as the TV. I wish I could say it was in the wee hours of the morning, that I was so tired I knew not what I was doing but I can’t. No, I called Principle Secret one morning around 11am while I was getting ready to go to my yoga class. The “secret” ingredient of Argireline and a glowing endorsement from Jules Asner seemed like a winning combination and the only solution at the time. But back to the current problem staring me literally in the face.

I’d pretty much settled on the Neutrogena 3 Step Acne Solution System. It’s got some orange on the packaging but the tubes containing my redemption seemed to come in neutral tones worthy of any good decorator’s palate for living rooms and bathrooms that seek a sophisticated yet understated appeal. I was almost out of the aisle when the bright neon orange package of Severe To Clear caught my eye…how could it not even though it happened to be on the very bottom shelf? It has the same ingredients, the same claims but offered 4 products to the Neutrogena 3. Severe to Clear came with one cream for day and one for night. I was torn between the branded name Neutrogena had always been and the promise Severe To Clear’s catchy name assured it would deliver. I marveled at the neon packaging though. People with acne want to hide, want to draw less attention to themselves and walking through the store holding a toxic orange package was certainly counter to that objective. I decided I’d chance it. I positioned Severe To Clear behind the pack of toilette paper I was glad I didn’t forget to pick up. Once home, I immediately found a nice pouch to hold my new products so that when at my boyfriend’s he wouldn’t be tempted to check out my new purchase mistaking the bottles for radioactive colored playthings.

So far I’ve used the product 3 times. I wonder if thinking good thoughts here speeds up the process. Things like snowflakes, puppies and chocolate…wait, forget the chocolate. That may have gotten me into this whole mess in the first place. But I do think it’s working and that’s a good thing. I highly doubt my insurance will cover the cost of getting inseminated as a cure for acne so that I can start breastfeeding already.