Merry Kwansanukmasadan

11:24:43 am Dec 25th 2009. “I‘d like to know if it’s too early on the east coast for a scotch. Merry Christmas.” This was the text I wrote to my best friends. I knew they’d get a kick out of it. Somehow, on certain mornings a stiff drink doesn’t seem to be reason enough to raise an eyebrow, stage an intervention or ask what’s wrong. It’s just how it is and on this Christmas morning, that’s how it was.


You see, I’m at home “celebrating” with my family while my Jewish boyfriend is back in NYC not “celebrating “ anything. I did speak to him this morning though. “Look on my side of the bed behind the headboard…there’s a red bag ” “A red…oh I see it…Wow.” I had left behind a surprise present for him and his friend who was staying with him during this time. I didn’t want them to feel like holiday orphans. You see, it hasn’t felt like the holidays and that never feels good when you know it’s supposed to feel like the holidays. He was away for the beginning of Chanukah and doesn’t even have a menorah. And while 2 holidays may have come and gone in his one bedroom apartment without one candle being lit, a prayer said, holiday decorations being hung, eggnog drunk or mistletoe kissed under, there is a lot of love there.


But I worry. I worry that leaving a “holiday” present behind for your Jewish boyfriend to open on Christmas morning, as thoughtful as it is, might really be an act of defiance in the face of the man you love who has come to a decision: that he’d like you to convert to Judaism so you can live happily ever after.

I never expected happily ever after to come with such a condition. I wonder if that condition makes the thing it’s offering seem almost null and void once you accept the terms. Isn’t true love supposed to be unconditional? As a romantic I find these things too clinical, too calculated and too much of a proof that the other’s love may not be strong enough to overcome the differences of two people who really aren’t religious at all to begin with.

Love is the most important thing on this planet. What else are we really here for? Certainly not to look back on our lives and count how much money we’ve made. Success has not meant a thing to me without having someone to share it with. And the older I get, the less sustaining success seems to be as a consolation prize for being alone. Perhaps that’s why my drive for it has diminished as I’ve aged. Every failed relationship seems to echo louder how important having a good one in your life really is, how empowering it is to build a life with someone you connect with, share passions with and who you ultimately consider your best friend.

So why, if you’ve found this person would you be willing to let it go for a difference in religious affiliation especially when the affiliation is lacking in affirmation. I think the Jewish religion is one of the most beautiful with wonderful traditions and rituals. But aren’t all religions beautiful at the core? Aren’t they all seeking the same results? Aren’t they all equally destructive when practiced with enough fanaticism?

I would want to teach my children, should I ever be privileged enough to bear them, that religion is personal… love is universal. That God surely loves all of us. That being a good person with a kind heart with compassion and respect for others regardless of the color of their skin or what God they prey to is the highest form of religion there is.

Couldn’t we have a new religion? Christanukmas? Maybe even Kwansanukmas? I like the sound of that. Or better yet…Kwansanukmasadan. Yeah. Merry Kwansanukmasadan everyone. Let’s all raise our scotch to that. It’s 5pm somewhere in the world.